World Wrestling Entertainment’s John Cena, the focus here yesterday of the latest musings about steroids at Senate candidate Linda McMahon’s company, has a parallel-universe line of palaver on his Twitter feed. This is in keeping with orders to WWE “independent contractors” to propel their fictional storylines. Not that there’s anything wrong with that!
On Monday’s edition of Raw, Cena was beaten to a pulp by jealous invaders of WWE’s third-tier brand, NXT. After falling silent for nearly three days, Cena tweeted to his fans on Thursday, “CeNation. Sorry for delay. Checked out fine. Mild concussion and some back and hip trouble, but I am in 1 piece. Thank u for your concern.”
Today Cena tweeted, “CeNation. I will not be out of action. I have taken and passed Impact testing, and I can deal with mine hip and spine issues. Never give up.”
So he will wrestle as scheduled at shows this weekend. I’m not sure, but I think if he were diagnosed with a concussion, even a “mild” one, he should have been automatically shelved. But maybe I’m wrong, and the fictional concussion diagnosis could be superseded by a fictional neurological impact test — as designed by WWE’s brilliant medical director, disgraced NFL concussion expert Joseph Maroon.
Oh, never mind.